Wavis O’Shave the Soccer Legend ? Not quite.

It’s hard to get away from football as the end of season covid infected games have been pumped out every night on the telly. Newcastle United finish mid table after another season of zero ambition under owner Mike Ashley. Times up Mike. He needs to delete any connection with the football team, hopefully, new owners are waiting in the wings.

Last week I received an email from Wavis O’Shave who remembered better times for the club. Back in the 80’s Wavis released singles, an album and appeared on live music show The Tube, but before that he was a regular at St James’ Park, home of Newcastle United…

I used to go to all their home games and I remember at the start of one season about 50 Wolves skinhead supporters made their way around the ground to try and get in the Leazes End where they would have got eaten.

At one game I asked a bloke to zip me up inside my anorak so that my arms were inside. When the game ended I couldn’t move and got carried all over the place by the packed crowd as they made their way out. All good fun.

The first game I went to was the start of the ’68 season where Newcastle beat Man City 1-0 with an early Pop Robson penalty. I’d been deciding whether to support Newcastle or Man United but as Man U lost their opening game 4-1 at home to Southampton that same afternoon, I chose Newcastle. Big mistake!

I wasn’t a great football player but I could play football great, I had been invited to a trial for Newcastle on August 23rd 1973 at their Hunters Moor training ground, as a right winger – not the political type.

Strangely, I wasn’t playing any footy that summer and every week kept saying that I’d better start to get in shape for the big day. I went down to The Dragon playing fields near the South Shields beach to have a bit of a kick about. I wasn’t in great shape!

Day of the 23rd and I’m off to Hunters Moor which I thought was nearer to St James’ than it was, so I had to run like hell on the extremely hot day to get there in time for 1.30pm. I was knackered – great preparation, eh? Then it all went surreal.

I was to play on the right wing but when they called out my name I was down for left back – defence instead of attack and wrong footed! They threw me some shin pads and wouldn’t let me play if I didn’t wear them. I’d chose never to wear pads in my life so I found myself having to stop every 10 yards to readjust them as they kept whizzing to the back of my legs.

According to some mates who came to watch and give me moral support I played a good shift with some crunching tackles. The club said they’d let you know and it was months later I got an expected thanks, but no thanks.

Now, either the buggers made a grave error in playing me out of position or fate stepped in to ensure they never have a soccer legend. Either way, they’ve won nowt since and I don’t think they ever will.

Malcolm ‘Supermac’ McDonald.

When VIZ Comic had their 20th Anniversary bash I was invited but of course didn’t go. There were a few celebs there including my footy hero Malcolm Supermac Macdonald. I’d gave my ticket to a friend who went in my place, and when he was having a piss in the bogs next to Supermac he said to him ‘So you know, Wavis?’

If they hadn’t played me left back maybe I would have played with him!

I followed the Mags until I deleted all interest in them some years back when they lost to Sunderland five times on the trot. Unacceptable behaviour so I was out! I can’t take footy serious now it’s not a sport anymore, just stocks and shares, and you can’t take the thing serious when players earn 100k a week and behave like girls blouse pop stars. They should get themselves a decent job.

Links to previous interviews with Wavis O’Shave:

https://garyalikivi.com/2017/06/06/felt-nowt-the-world-according-to-wavis-oshave/

https://garyalikivi.com/2017/09/05/method-in-the-madness-interview-with-wavis-oshave/

 Gary Alikivi  July 2020.

 

THE MAN WHO FELL TO SHIELDS

Stories were recently posted about Billy Roberts who was homeless in South Shields during the ‘70s and ‘80s. (Billy’s Story Dec.13th 2019). I remember Billy hanging around the town centre, and judging by the high number of readers a lot of other folk in Shields remember him – for good or bad. The memories were from a Shields resident going by the name Tinwhistler, recently they got in touch again telling me about another character from Shields, this guy I can’t recall, but this is Tinwhistlers story of Arthur -The Man Who Fell To Shields.

The developing crazy world of Arthur was to most of us, intriguing, humorous and somewhat bizarre. He could disappear for months then return with more tales beyond the belief of mortal man. Many of us gathered to play football on a Sunday morning on the Marine College field, then Arthur would show up. No he hadn’t turned up after being in London playing football for Spurs then coming to sign up for his beloved Sunderland, it now looked like his soccer career had come to an end and he decided his future lay in coal, briefly at Westoe pit.

There were other characters present at these games such as Fig Roll, Hat, Egg man and a particularly good player called Wavis. Away from football, music was a passion for most of us, Arthur expressing his taste in a variety of bands and acts varying from Elvis, Stones and Conway Twitty.

Wavis had the beginnings of something that developed later but he started a combo that was a non-musical affair – The Borestiffers. It consisted of him, me and Fig Roll. Frequent rehearsals culminated with a gig at Bolingbroke Hall in Shields. Wavis had written some good songs which were put to a non-musical backing and performed in front of a more than expected turn out, who had each paid a nominal sum for a ticket but could only gain entry if it was presented with a slice of bread as this was a charity gig for the ducks of South Marine Park.

After the gig Fig Roll left due to non-musical indifferences in order to follow a career with the Royal Mail which his mother said would keep him off the streets. Wavis’ ideas were novel and I was put on percussion involving moving most of my mother’s kitchen – pots, pans, 2 wooden spoons, tin trays, roasting trays etc. A young person called Tube was strumming a Bullworker physical exercise apparatus and the coup de grace, Arthur. This was where we could maybe turn the world upside down because if Arthur now told people he had been up on stage in front of an audience and they didn’t believe him, it could now be proven otherwise.

Arthur was there purely as ambience and to play a board game with Tube called Mad Hats on the stage floor while I held a steady rhythm on the kitchen kit and Wavis held the front stage. Three rolls of the dice later and Arthur wanted the mic and the crowd went wild.

It is now circa 1977 and as I am working, earning and drinking, Arthur tags along buying a round every 3​rd​ or 4​th​ time. He tells me again of his prowess singing in some of the bars of Shields and he took me on my first visit to the Turks Head on the Lawe Top.

The atmosphere was warm, welcoming and we could hear the sound of people enjoying their Saturday evening. A chant started We want Arthur, we want Arthur. That was it, he motioned me to follow him through, ‘Ha’way son, I’ll have to get up they want ‘is’. Arthur referred to each of us as son and we all reciprocated by calling him Fatha!

 

A couple of years later Wavis had entered the music business and mentioned more than once about his fatha who was able to destroy any standards and classics. A stage name was sought and as Adam Ant was prominent Arthur settled on Teddy Anteater. He sang along to a recorded tape, songs he knew wearing headphones. The guitar was left handed turned upside down, a Jimi Hendrix of the antimatter world. He got a couple of gigs supporting local band The Letters and then got the opportunity to hit the big time.

Wavis had contacts with a label called Anti Pop and one of their acts was Arthur 2 Stroke & The Chart Commandos. They became aware of him and had heard some of the Teddy Anteater that Wavis had played them. I arranged an introduction and accepted title of road manager. His next gig was to be with them at Newcastle University.

Their manager, Andy Inman visited me at work and I got the necessary details. The acts on the bill were formidable consisting of a talented jazz quartet, a geordie poet called Nog, a hunched back illusionist/magician who went under the name Johnny Neptune and a scantily dressed Hot Gossip type dance troupe. Teddy’s set was filmed and is now on YouTube under ‘Teddy Anteater – Newcastle University 1981’.

The brothers Viz, that is Chris and Simon Donald, were there, this before their mag went corporate. Simon was the on stage compere and Chris was selling the Viz to enthusiastic students. Both were amazed at the Teddy Anteater act, so much so that he was featured in their next issue under a heading Not many rock stars can claim to take penalties with their heads but Teddy Anteater is not many rock stars. This was a reference to one of his many fibs regarding his footballing prowess, along with his claim that he could take a corner, get into the middle to head it and then get on the goal line to save it.

The Student Union magazine reviewed the whole show and decided that Teddy was the best act of the night. The Teddy Anteater experience really ended shortly after not before the surfacing of another bizarre act known as Jarrow Elvis. This became a road show involving names like Hebburn Cliff and Pelaw Pitney. I suggested maybe Arthur might want to join this and to do so he could learn some Roxy Music songs. He didn’t care for Roxy so that was the end of him appearing as Shields Ferry!

Another story brought to you by Tinwhistler.

Edited by Gary Alikivi     February 2020.