WAVIS O’SHAVE

MASTER OF PUPPETS with WAVIS O’SHAVE ON THE TUBE

/ Alikivi

Ground breaking ‘80s live music show The Tube was broadcast from Tyne Tees studios in Newcastle for Channel Four from 1982 to 1987. The last post featured Wavis O’Shave who appeared regularly on the programme.

For one of the shows some filming was scheduled at the South Marine Park, South Shields and Wavis asked his mate Phil Whale to accompany him. Phil was a miner who lived on the Whiteleas council estate, South Shields.

Wavis: ‘I took Phil with me because he was the leader of the Whiteleas Massive and as a miner pissed off being involved in the Miners Strike. Thought I’d cheer him up!’

Phil Whale: ‘If there is one thing having a mate like Wavis has taught me is to always expect the unexpected. I’ve had hilarious times in his presence and witnessed surreal bizarre events’.

‘At that time Wavis was a regular on the show with his character The Hard who in essence was a delightfully exaggerated alpha male tough guy who was on a quest to demonstrate that he was the hardest guy on the planet’.

The Hard in his Hard backyard, South Shields.

‘I remember feeling excited at the prospect of watching him undertake his TV work, yet also feeling nervous at what he may do to challenge the norms and expectations of those in attendance because that is one of the things that he’s about.

Funnily enough I do remember him having a glint in his eyes’.

‘We met a camera crew all wearing Barbour jackets and talking in middle class accents. Wavis politely explained to them that he was going to present new characters to the cameras such as Mr Ordinary Powder, Mr Starey Oot and a hand puppet scene called the Non Sweary Puppet Show’.

The Tube crew were expecting The Hard to turn up as that character was starting to make a big impression on their viewers. Even the staff in production meetings used to do impersonations of The Hard. But on the day Wavis had other ideas.

Filming Mr Ordinary Powder in the South Marine Park, South Shields.

Phil remembers ‘The director begged him to do The Hard and asked him if he would consider doing six episodes for Channel 4, but Wavey was having none of it stating that the Hard was now consigned to the past and as an artist he wanted to move on’. 

‘It was just mental watching Wavis perform these new surreal characters in a public park with Mr Ordinary Powder who was naked apart from a loin cloth, carrying a shopping basket containing a talking loaf of bread, and Mr Starey Oot just staring everyone and everything out – in a manner that the Hard would be proud of’.

‘Mind you the best part of the day had to go to the Non Sweary Puppet Show which involved Wavis hiding behind a wall then up popped glove puppets arguing and screaming at each other that included loud explicit references to sex and constant use of the F word – all in Geordie!

The crew and gathering members of the public stood in a stunned silence at what was happening.

‘Wavis maintained a rock steady face in between takes which added to the surreal nature. I remember experiencing a wide range of thoughts ranging from ‘what the feck this is brilliant’ to ‘Get in Wavis’. 

‘At the end of the day payment was discussed with the director, at first Wavis refused money but after haggling was pleased to get a brand new Scotland football strip.’

Phil wraps up his feelings about the day… ‘To cap it all off Wavis asked if I would accompany him to the Tube Studio for the editing. Was he valuing my comedic opinion or was he sticking two fingers up to the producers expectations?’

‘I suppose I will never know but it didn’t matter to me as the experience was priceless. Oh and by the way you won’t be surprised to hear that The Non Sweary Puppet Show didn’t survive the cuts which was a shame but not unexpected’.

It’s reported on good authority that while the Non-Swearies Puppet Show was unsuitable for terrestrial TV broadcast it was a huge favourite in The Tube Office.

‘The Non-Swearies…even I’ve lost the original demo VHS performance’ remembers Wavis.

Alikivi   October 2022

WAVIS O’SHAVE on ’80s LIVE MUSIC SHOW THE TUBE

/ Alikivi

Ground breaking live music TV show The Tube was broadcast from Tyne Tees studios in Newcastle upon Tyne for Channel Four from 1982 to 1987.

The show was broadcast for 90 minutes on a Friday and I was lucky enough to be in the audience for a number of shows which had a big impact on my life.

Entrance to The Tube at Tyne Tees Television studios City Road, Newcastle.

When I didn’t get tickets I’d be at home with me tea on me lap watching great performances and being introduced to different sounds and styles of music. Someone new and fresh were on every week and the show always delivered a surprise.

There was one week when a duo delivered huge power from what at first looked like an unlikely source. With only a keyboard and microphone set up on stage how loud could a synth pop duo go ?

A young skinny lad with floppy hair stood ready, at a game of football he would have been the last picked, then on walked someone who could of been a school dinner lady.

A clunky pop sound fired up, then the voice, and what a voice. Making one of her first TV appearances was Alison Moyet.

Wavis meets The Hard next to his Hard hut in his Hard backyard.

I mentioned the show liked to pull a surprise and someone who featured regularly on the show and tangled with some of the Tube’s Big Wigs was – insert your own description here/eccentric/circus performer/recording artist/surreal South Shields showman, whisper it quietly – Wavis O’Shave.

“When the Tube crew came back from filming me they would run straight off to Malcolm Gerrie (Producer) and tell him ‘You won’t believe what he did!’ Malcolm would reply ‘I would’.

Despite my controversial antics it didn’t stop Producer Gavin Taylor candidly telling my wife that I was the most decent person he had ever known!”

“Sometimes I would witness disputes in the Tube office like when Queen reckoned the show should pay them for a ten grand filming bill, and the show thought that they should be coughing up. I was there when Elvis Costello sent a life size photo of himself with a signed apology after he wrecked his dressing room the week before”.

One of the many faces of Wavis was The Hard, an exaggerated tough working class Geordie possibly the hardest man in the world. Other faces were Mr Ordinary Powder, Mr Starey Oot, Foffo Spearjig, but it was The Hard that got the show’s attention.

“During a live Christmas Eve show Muriel Gray (presenter) hit me over the head with one of those pretend bottles they use in Spaghetti westerns. I was told afterwards that she’d thought she’d killed me!”

“I told her earlier in the day to give me a right good belt and you’d better believe she did. There’s still some doubt as to whether there had been a cock up and it was a real bottle, it sounded like it, it did cut me and there was blood. The show were crapping themselves thinking ‘Insurance’. I felt nowt though”.

Letter from TV Executive Producer, Andrea Wonfor.

Wavis remembers the day he was carpeted by Executive Producer, Andrea Wonfor.

“The BIG boss of the show was Andrea Wonfor, a lovely lady and a huge Wavey fan. I remember when I was first given the freedom of The Tube studio. Andrea had me in her office where I was made to assure her that I would behave”.

“As you can see in her fond recollection I’d asked her – she was a big-wig at Granada at the time – if she would be ref for me in my proposed fight with Chris Eubank for Children In Need or something like that. I had the challenge put thru Chris’ letter box in Brighton but he never came back to me.” 

When you were in the studio did you get along with any of the musicians, celebrities or TV crew ?

“Being anti-social and elusive I stayed clear of everyone. I guess this became part of my expected ‘image’. I couldn’t help but see a few in passing like Lemmy and Jim Diamond, but in fact I think most people were quite wary of me and would prefer I kept my distance”.

“When Paula Yates (presenter) wanted my dressing room which was nearer the stage as at the time she was pregnant, she didn’t approach me directly to ask. Think she was well wary of me. Either that or she fancied me rotten”. 

“I rarely would turn up at the Friday shows despite having a VIP pass. On one such rare occasion I was invited to go over and say hello to a shy young American girl. I glanced over, and because I had this elusive but anti-social reputation I didn’t bother. Turns out it was Madonna, so I guess I can claim I blew her out”.

(Madge’s first TV performance was on The Tube broadcast from The Manchester Hacienda in 1984.)

What are your memories as The Tube finally closed up shop in 1987 ?

“The last Tube show was aired on its regular Friday slot. I was disappointed as a week before I had filmed The Hard ‘Final Felt nowt feeler’ with my missus in it but it wasn’t included. On the Sunday, when the repeat was aired, there I was edited in as a personal tribute to The Hard and his popularity on the show.

That was the very last ever Tube show not the Friday one. It’s gone missing and remains to this day the Holy Grail of lost Tube shows”.

THE HARD features on ‘Best of the Tube’ DVD.

Alikivi   October 2022

HANG ON A MINUTE – New release from musician Barry Lamb – Miniatures 2020 

/ Alikivi

Musician Barry Lamb, a former South Shields resident – he still calls it his ‘spiritual home’, featured in an earlier blog

TON OF TUNES – musician Barry Lamb talks about his latest project, Miniatures 2020. | ALIKIVI (garyalikivi.com)

In March he released his latest work Miniatures 2020 and his confidant Thomas Thumb got in touch.

“Think of Mott The Hoople and you immediately think of the Bowie written All the Young Dudes. From the moment you hear that iconic guitar intro you know you’re in for an immortal anthemic treat.

Not so instantly thought of might be the band’s keyboard player from 1973-76, Morgan Fisher.

In 1980 he came up with the unique idea of Miniatures; A sequence of 51 tiny masterpieces  and produced the 51 one minute tracks from invited guests such as The Damned, the Pretenders, XTC and contributions from the more bizarre worlds  of Ivor Cutler and The Residents. It became a cult classic. In 2000 came another, Miniatures 2 with 61 one minutes tracks.

To celebrate the 40th Anniversary of the original, Lamb has orchestrated bringing about Miniatures 2020  which was released on March 15th. In 1977 Barry co-founded the Essex based indie record label Falling A Records which also found time to distribute the very first copies of the VIZ Comic.  

A trailer for the album is now on YouTube – Miniatures 2020 Now Available which includes the link for purchasing”.

“There is a further South Shields connection. Mention the words ‘cult’ and ‘bizarre’ and it won’t be long before the name of Wavis O’Shave will crop up. Wavis was invited by Morgan to contribute to the original 1980 album but instead sent him someone else performing one of his songs, so it didn’t qualify.

Natural universal karma has now sought to correct that and Wavis can be found on the new album with his palindrome song ‘Mr Owl ate my metal worm’.

Music journalist Dmitry M. Epstein, author of books about The Doors, Deep Purple, Pink Floyd and  Black Sabbath to name a few has this to say about the new album, ‘not the easiest, if surely absorbing, listening and a truly brilliant achievement – has all the chances to become one of the most interesting releases of 2021″.

Looks like another cult classic is on the way.

March 2021

NAILS – world exclusive interview with The Hard.

/ Alikivi / 4 Comments

Following on from talking with some of the team who worked on ‘80s live music show The Tube, I contacted someone who appeared on the programme. Wavis O’Shave wasn’t available.

Mrs O’Shave telt me he was on holiday so this otha bloke stood in for him.

‘Are ye hard enuff to intaview me’. He’ll put me windas in if I daint post this he sed. I telt him to wind his neck in but he wudnt listen. Here’s the world exclusive interview with The Hard.

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Mee Thu Hard hear. Ah woz hard befour ah woz hard, mee lyk. Ah woz bourne wihth ah hundrud and sicks tatooz and bye thu tym ah woz fower ah hahd thaht mennie ah hadd tuh ware thum onn mee maytz bak.

Ah woz ah sizaireeun berth anhd thu hahd tuh saw uz oot ov mee hard muthaz syde. Ah slepht inn ah Pytt boote. Mee fatha wud putt broon ail inn mee hoht watta bottel. Mee kot woz ah kayj fytaz riynng.

Noo ah sleap onn ah watta bed wihth naylz innit. Onn mee forst borthdae ah hahd dinamight onn mee borthdae kake innsted ov kandlz.

Mee pairentz thort ah woz hard ov heering til thu foond oot mee hard granda hah filld mee lugz upp wihth Pollyfilla sows ah cuddnt heer mee dadd snoahrin coz hee wud putt kracs inn thu seeling.

Ah hahd mee forst harecutt onn ah frensh polisha.

Wen ah woz ah hard bairn ah yoused tuh plahy marblz yousing cannunballz and ah lornt tuh sphell yousing payvmeant slahbs tuh rite onn four Scrabl.

busking

Heerz mee hard granpappie givvn sum coppaz ah lyft

Ah used tuh plahy hopp skotch onn lhanddmynes befor ah stahrud jumpyn onn peepl frohm Skotlynd. Mee pairentz wud tek uz tuh thu beech and ahd gan roond nuttin everiewon. Thu naymd ah chuwing gum afta uz – Beach Nutt.

Ahd gan and dek everywon hoo wehr sittn doon, sow theer chairz gott carled dek chairz. Ahd mek sanned kaslz oot ov sement anddh wen ah dyd ah hard farrt thud bee ah sanhd storem.

Onn mee forst hollydae ah warked tuh thu noarth poal wihth mee sleevz roalled upp. Ah forst stahrtd swarin wen me dahd purriz inn anne armie tanc. Ah cudnt stohp swareyn.

Ah thinc ahv gohht turretz sindrum. say iht happund wen ah meetyouryte hirruz onn mee heed. Ah felt nowt. Ahm thaht hard ah kan fynd thu ehnd ov Sellataype eaven wen ahv noced meesell oot.

Ahd geht hoyed oot ov thu synmma four havin thu hardest sylhoett inn thear and ah gott nyked four thu forst tyme four shohplifftinn. Naybodie hahd eva scene ah sicks yor owld lyft ah shop owa itz heed befor.

grandadin acion

Hearz mee hard granpappie with hiz remedeez four indeejestshun

Wen ah gott olda ah ghot bahrrd frohm ahl thu pubs. Thu wud hirruz ower me heed wihth ah barr. Felt Nowt. Noo ah hav aboot nyntee pients befor ah gan oot tuh thu pub ahnd hava lok inn. Kidz sed ah woz reet hard. Orr aht leest thu carled uz a reethard.

Wen a woz ah hard bearyn ah ofton hahd ah saw throte sow ah stoppd slahsyn meesel wihth ah saw. Ah youst tuh plahy drafts. Ahd doon aboot nighntee pynts ov draft beehr.

Ah startudd deeing wayts. Ahd wayt four mee Jiro tuh cum four oors. Ah bort ah dumm behl tuh dee mee wayts and wen yu rhang itt yud heer nowt.

Ah starrtud tu doo traynin – ah gan four ah wark allongg thu trayn trak wen ah intasity tayn iz cumin heed onn.

granpappi

Hearz mee granpappie with too moar remedeez four ah saw throte.

Ah lyk tuh realacks having ah dyp in ah volkanoz lrva in mee shortz and ah lyk ah gud kurrie iff itz dun reet – boyled inn thu mikrowayve four fyftean oors in thu dezzat wihth mustad onn itt andh ah hot watta bottle onn mee heed.

Ah belleev inn thyng thaht gan headbutt inn the neet. Mee mam woz ah meedyum bhutt mee dahd tuk ah larj. Aktshooly shee woz ah sydkik meedyum and wud kik aniebodie woo stud allongsyd herr.

Shee wud tekkuz tuh thu spyritchooliszt choorch anhd wud bryng threw peepl fromm thu hard Beyond.

Shud gan intwo ah trans anhd ah arhm restl thu hard buggaz hoo kame thru. Thu wons sed ah woz ah hardvaak in ah prevyuss hard lyf. (See YouTube; ‘Dead Hard – The Hard’s animated adventures in Muvizu’)

granpaps

Hearz mee granpappie with too moar remedeez four ah saw throte.

Mee dahd styl givz uz thu bhelt iff ahm norty – ahn atey nyn thousand vholts shokk. Sumwear inn Switzalahnd ascd uzz iff ah wudd trie oot thear woshin mashyn four them. Summitz carled Sern attom krusha. It woz a bit smahrl inn thear burra felt nowt.

Ah wons tried mee heed at bean ah sayf kraka nuttin sayfz burra moovd onn tuh bean ah lone sharc. Ahd lone mee pett sharc oot uv me swimmyn pool. Ah trydah runnyn ah protekshun rakit oot ohn tennys playaz. Iff thu dydnt giz ah kwid ahd busst thear rakit.

hardsgran

Hearz me hard granmah havvin hor peeanna lessonz

Ahv fehl oot wihth mee peht hard dog coz heez started tarkin inn hyz sleap anhd hee sez ahm knot rely hard. Welll, yuh naar wot thay sahy – yuv gora let sleepyn dog lye.

Ahm gannyn ower tuh Eyeland noo. Summitz tuh dee wihth wontyn ah hard borda. Ahl tek mee dogg – heez ah hard borda colly.

Ann iff yuh edditt thys intavyoo ahl giv yee ah hed ah hit an punsh yuh innyuh besst frendz mustash anarl.

Nuff sed for now. He’s back in his box.

Gary Alikivi  August 2019.

NEVER MIND THE SEVENTIES – Book Planned on NE Punk Scene ’76-80

/ Alikivi / 1 Comment

nepunk

A group of music fans got together five years ago and planned to put together a book about the North East Punk/Post-Punk scene from 1976-80.

Bands featured will include not only big names like Penetration, Angelic Upstarts, Toy Dolls, Punishment of Luxury, The Wall, The Carpettes, Red Alert and Total Chaos but also bands who were only known in the North East.

‘Since we started on the book numerous folks have been involved in one way or another, with interviews and transcribing. There are approximately 300 bands on our list, and we’ve got all of them covered to one degree or another. It’s been quite a task’ said Martin Blank.

South Shields bands covered so far include Angelic Upstarts, The Fauves, The Letters, The Rigs, Next and of course, Wavis O’Shave….’Although Wavis was never a punk by any stretch of the imagination, due to his album ‘Anna Ford’s Bum’ being on the Anti-Pop label he became known as a sort of punk-cum-loonie-cum-prankster’.

Here’s an extract from Martins interview with Wavis…..

What is your first memory ? I think they told me it was only going to be a nice ride down a slide. Seriously tho’ it was ‘Who’s just kicked me out of this low flying UFO?’

What were your main interests when you were growing-up ? At my first school, the lad who sat in front of me calling Miss Bishop ‘Miss Fish Shop’. Another lad always wetting himself and having to dry his shorts on the radiators. They smelt like fish fingers.

Everybody including the bullies liked me, so I wasn’t getting my head shoved down the bogs and the toilet flushed or thrown over the high wall into the girls school or having crap shoved up my nose on a lolly stick or having ‘**** off’ written on the back of my neck. They had high hopes for me but in what way I don’t know.

Were you ever in a band ? Yes and no. Around 1975 I formed The Borestiffers although we were never a band in the conventional meaning of the word. Our ‘instruments’ were a suitcase, a bullworker and a kitchen sink. We performed live only once, at a church hall in South Shields. The entry fee was a slice of bread, or a stick of celery. White bread by the way. Brown was a counterfeit ticket.

Kitchen sinks aside, can you play a ‘proper’ instrument ? I can only play the fool. I can play a few chords on a guitar, but who wants to listen to a bloke wearing corduroy trousers strumming his axe? Mind you, I am a dab hand at the Theremin.
annafordsbum

Do you know if Anna got to hear ‘Anna Ford’s Bum’? Yes, Anna listened to the album and she’s confirmed that she still has it safely in a cupboard. This was related back to me years ago when she was asked by Chris Donald (Viz mag.) when they all appeared on a panel show. A lovely lady, good sport and well out of my league.

Although Wavis was (and still is) well-known in the North East, did you receive much national coverage ? I was somewhat surprised when both ‘Sounds’ and ‘NME’ wanted to claim Wavis as their own and both gave him equal coverage for quite some time. There’d be the occasional mention here and there elsewhere but I was a stickler for refusing to make myself available.

The Clive Anderson show sent one of their team to my home and hauled me down for a meeting but when I found out the show was recorded  (I thought it was live) and they were telling me things that I would have to say, I left.

thehard
The Hard became a surprising overnight sensation on The Tube. How did he come about ? The Hard was a lampoon of the North Eastern stereotypical hard man and I had to be very careful living amidst the real deal. The hardest man in the town was actually a fan of the Hard, which I can never work out especially when everybody swore I had styled The Hard on him. I’d never be that daft, unless of course I did. I do consider myself hard and I can prove it. I once lived off ten quid a week – now that’s hard. 

What was it like appearing on Stars In Their Eyes with your impression of Steve Harley ? My wife tried to get me to audition for the show for years as I was both a fan and friend of Steve Harley from ‘74-‘77 and she knew I could do a good impersonation of him. I gave in one year when a bloke came on and did Benny Hill. He was atrocious and I thought, ‘Well I can’t do worse than that, pass me the phone’.
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Were Wavis and The Hard really closet intellectuals merely poking fun at the absurdity of the world today ? There’s a side of me that very few people know of. One of those facets of the diamond is a very serious, and reasonably well known controversial author, broadcaster, researcher with a sizeable website and a lot of internet coverage. I doubt you’ll know him and only a very few Wavis people do. He’s a cross between a British Indie Jones and Poirot, and that’s the only clue you’ll get. I’ve/he’s been on Sky TV shows a few times, done a lot of USA radio shows and wrote for a high street national monthly mag for a few years.

The full interview with Wavis will be available in the book. The group are now planning to complete the project, but Martin told me there is still time for some bands to come forward…

‘We now have all the interviews in the can but if there are any other North East bands who were active circa 1976-80 who we don’t know about and who’d like to contribute they’re welcome to get in touch’.

Contact: gobonthetyne@hotmail.com

Gary Alikivi    August 2019.